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I have watched a LOT of commercials in my lifetime.

Peperami Advert - Too Spicy for Ya! Bit of an Animal HD | uploaded by bigbignosedestroyer

pasta roni tv "papa roni" | uploaded by clubnobbie

Dizzy Grizzlies ad, 1995 | uploaded by Chuck D's All-New Classic TV Clubhouse

Aeroplane Jelly 'Planes' Television Advertisement 1980 | uploaded by AeroplaneJellyAus

This one is just especially vile. The sight of them devouring it makes me feel Bad.

Marmite - Blob (2005, UK) | uploaded by TheVeryBestOfPetuniaAndFlaky

Ahhh, unnecessarily stressful commercials. Gotta love 'em.

Keebler Spring Rainbow Chips Deluxe Commercial 1999 | uploaded by 90s Commercials

The elves also control gay people.

Keebler Chips Deluxe | uploaded by WRFB79

What the hell...

TV Commercials of the '60s: Keebler | uploaded by Robert Cass

Wait, who is THAT dude? And what do you mean, they're baked by little GUYS?

Keebler Club Cracker Ad 2003 | uploaded by 513official4

OK, you can't convince me this one isn't a sex thing.

Keebler Club Crackers Commercial 2001 | uploaded by 513official4

Oh man, this one falls apart towards the end.

Keebler Chocolate Lovers Chips Deluxe 1995 | uploaded by nathanolson

WHAT IS WITH THE PACING ON THIS ONE??

1980's Keebler Tato Skins Commercial | uploaded by Jenna Van Wyler

Why does Ernie Keebler (that's his name, by the way) force them to go on contraptions? It's his sick game.

Keebler Elfin Loaves commercial | uploaded by Internet Lurker

Just like Mom used to make... ONLY SMALLER!

Keebler Krunch Twists - Commercial Classic 1985 | uploaded by Echo6Bravo

Great dog at 0:15.

Keebler Pizzarias | uploaded by retrorocker

This commercial suggests the existence of Grown Up Magic, which only serves to make their elven culture even more worrying.

Taste Test Winners Keebler Wheatables Commercial, 1990 | uploaded by vintagecommercial

Maybe Keebler Wheatables are TOO delicious?

Keebler "Fly Through" | uploaded by ButtercupPictures

Oh I do NOT like these late 2000s commercials. They look so squishy.

1987 - Keebler - E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies | uploaded by RetroTy: The Pulse of Nostalgia

NO COMMENT.

Totally Radical Keebler Pizzarias Pizza Chips Commercial, 1991 | uploaded by vintagecommercial

Oh yeah, I hate these fuckin' kids. I think in the 90s they gave the elves a cast but it's hard for me to keep track of them.

Isabella & Ava Acres - Keebler Cookies Commercial (2010) | uploaded by KidsCommercialsRock

This is just scary. A Keebler Elf could be in MY HOUSE.

Keebler Chips Deluxe cookies commercial | uploaded by Internet Lurker

Lucky I didn't find this one when I was obsessed with animated mailmen (but that's another story)...

1981 Keebler Chips Deluxe cookies commercial. | uploaded by Jason Harder

I'm going to say it. The final few seconds of the announcer sound like he's seducing someone.

1987 Keebler Tato Skins Commercial | uploaded by xntryk1

The less audible the commercial, the scarier it is.

1989 - Keebler - Magic Middles | uploaded by RetroTy: The Pulse of Nostalgia

Why are the Magic Middles specifically so cursed?

Keebler Elfkins Commercial (1991) | uploaded by Andregrindle

There is nothing good I can say.

Keebler elves magic middles cookies commercial | uploaded by Internet Lurker

They have cops in this horrible world.

Keebler Town House Crackers: 80's | uploaded by I Love TV Commercials

JUST ELVEN MAGIC!

Keebler Elves Rich'n Chips Commercial - 80's Vintage Advertisement | uploaded by haikarate4

The side characters are the most perplexing in these.

1974 Keebler Zesta Saltine Crackers Commercial | uploaded by Retro Man

There's a lot wrong with this one. Weird scale. Elf racism?

banjo and kazooie nintendo 64 keebler commercial | uploaded by Cartoon TV Shows, commercials and bumpers

AUUUUUUUUGH

Retro 80's Commercial Keebler Fudge Stripes Cookies 1983 | uploaded by Stringer's Stuff

Who the hell is that dude?

Keebler Chacho's Commercial 1993 | uploaded by Betamax King

And... here it is. I literally cannot watch this commercial without laughing so hard I feel sick.

1990's Keebler Mini Middles Commercial | uploaded by Jenna Van Wyler

WORST. THUMBNAIL. EVER.

Keebler Fudge Stripes 1982 | uploaded by Retrontario

Sometimes in these commercials they'd have guest characters - revealing the maddening scale issues. I'm pretty sure an E.L. Fudge cookie fits in the palm of your hand. How big is this race car dude?

Keebler Company Fudge Stripes Cookies 1984 TV Commercial HD | uploaded by FM1156

Fudge Stripes were one of my favorite cookies as a kid. Now I know the elves are fucking them.

Keebler E L Fudge Cookies commercial | uploaded by Peter

This man makes life-sized cookies that look like himself. It's sick.

1979 Keebler Fudge Cookies "The Rookies First Time" TV Commercial | uploaded by ewjxn

The Keebler elves would continue to confound me with their sexual nature. This was the commercial to make me theorize that they actually lived in some sort of polyamorous sex society. First time? Really?

80's Ads: Keebler Swirley Q's | uploaded by PhakeNam

This was the first Keebler commercial to send me into the depths of madness. It was a random video that Lucas had played on a stream where we were watching the 80s Transformers cartoon. This one stuck out to me for having the energy of, well, "Is this someone's fetish?"

SpongeBob SquarePants - Official Sneek Peak Commercial (1999, HQ) | uploaded by IG26RU

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HE'S UNIQUE. HIS HEAD. KILLS YOU

Aunt Jemima - Be a Breakfast Head (1997) | uploaded by Brooke Freeman

God I hate hearing Kath Soucie in the scariest places

Burger King Commercial. 1970s | uploaded by MrClassicAds1960s

This is yet another commercial that drove me to madness. Someone on Wikipedia claimed the name of this mascot is 'Kurger Bing' and I spent like an hour trying to prove it either right or wrong.

Chef Boyardee Ad- Sir Chomps a Lot (1994) | uploaded by Classic90sfan

I'VE LOST CONTROL!

Smiths Quavers animated advert (1988) | uploaded by VideotapeFTW

What the hell. Cheese puff bimbofication?

1980s Cheese Riddle Commercial | uploaded by AnnainCA

#36.

Don't Forget The Cheese Commercial 1990 | uploaded by Kevin Noonan

#33.

America's Dairy Farmers ''Don't Forget The Cheese'' Commercial (VHS Rip) (c. 1987) | uploaded by Husky's Video Archive

#32.

Cheese Riddle Commercials 27 & 29 1988 | uploaded by Ranger232

1988 - A Cheese Riddle for Giorgio | uploaded by TheClassicSports

#24.

1989 Cheese commercial | uploaded by gamelovercommercials

#19.

Real Cheese Riddle #18 Commercial (1989) | uploaded by RetroCommercial.com

Cheese Riddle #17 - Commercial - America's Dairy Farmers - National Dairy Board - 1988 | uploaded by TheShesmovedon

Your BASIC PEAS.

Cheese Snack Fact "ad?" from 1990 | uploaded by Sum Square Stories

Oh boy, speaking of cheese facts...

Kraft Handi Shacks Commercial 1998 | uploaded by Betamax King

1993 Kraft Handi-Snacks TV Commercial | uploaded by VideoClassics

Hey, is that Ernie Keebler's VA? (That's its own story...)

Handi Snacks commercial with Genesis promo 1990 | uploaded by Retro CCN

This has NO BUSINESS being this scary.

Black Diamond Cheese - Single Thins | uploaded by Brett Davidson

1987 National Dairy Board "Ice Cream Taste Alert" TV Commercial | uploaded by ewjxn

American Dairy Farmers National Dairy Board commercial 1993 | uploaded by 90s Commercials

Not a cheese commercial, amazingly, but I think I found it in the same rabbithole.

Cheese Commercial (1993) | uploaded by Commercial Collections

Cook Regional with Cheese, Glorious Cheese - 1986 | uploaded by NY Retro Vault

"Cheese, Glorious Cheese!" ad - 1987 | uploaded by VCRchivist

1989 Kraft Potatoes & Cheese commercial | uploaded by gamelovercommercials

Kraft Velveeta Shells & Cheese Dinner Commercial (1989) | uploaded by RetroCommercial.com

Velveeta Shells & Cheese - "We're Gonna Cream Ya" | uploaded by Ye Olde Commercials

They're gonna WHAT?

Velveeta Shells & Cheese commercial | uploaded by Ye Olde Commercials

Velveeta Shells & Cheese Commercial 1990 | uploaded by William Thompson

Velveeta commercial - Salsa Dip - 1991 | uploaded by GloopTrekker

1996 - Cheese to the Rescue | uploaded by TheClassicSports

I have a lot of cheese-themed commercials.

Mini Cheddars 1985 Richard Williams Studio Animated Advertisement | uploaded by TheThiefArchive

You fucking know the Mini Cheddars.

American Cheese commercial 1990 | uploaded by Kevin Noonan

And so begins the cheese commercials.

Oscar Mayer Lunchables Pizza Commercial 1997 | uploaded by Betamax King

P.B. Crisps. BRING THEM BACK | uploaded by NoPenguinNoMayo

This one is wild. Did you know some people are REALLY obsessed with these?

Hidden Valley Ranch Commercials - Children's Dressings | uploaded by Kirkimer22

Fruit Loops - Follow Your Nose (2000) | uploaded by Brooke Freeman

SPIRED BY A REAL LIFE ADVENTURE

Hershey's Chocolate Commercial (1996) | uploaded by Commercial Collections

Hashtag ant smile.

Kemps - IttiBitz | uploaded by Eric Schulist

I had these as a kid; they're basically just Dippin Dots. But what's up with 0:30 where the simulation falls apart?

Carvel | uploaded by fromthearchives

Carvel Ice Cream was a whole other chapter of my life; August 2020, to be precise. This one is special for the 'What?' at 0:09.

pasta roni tv "papa roni's little shells" | uploaded by clubnobbie

Once had an incident where I was depressed and spent at least 15 minutes using the Enhancer For YouTube extension for Firefox to speed up and change the colors of this video.

Other - 1996 - Wishbone Fat Free Italian Dressing Commercial | uploaded by Mayor McCheese

HA! Bet you thought you were free from the salad dressings!

1972 Toys R Us Commercial | uploaded by ScribasDotCom

This one is oddly oppressive...

Toys 'R' Us Commercial (1978) | uploaded by Captain Cy

And here's the most evil commercial ever. Yes - when you think of toys, think of Toys R Us. Totally a responsible sentiment to drill into my poor, delicate little brain.

Toys R Us Commercial, ColecoVision, 1984 | uploaded by Hugo Faces

Toys "Я" Us - "Square Dance" (Commercial, 1977) | uploaded by The Museum of Classic Chicago Television (www.FuzzyMemories.TV)

Dancing in those costumes must have sucked.

Toys 'R' Us commercial - Fall 1987 | uploaded by random tv_80s90s00s

I thought the random celebrities they'd have in these ads were hilarious.

1983 Toys "R" Us Commercial | uploaded by Beta MAX

Oh boy. So around early 2020 right before the quarantine I had a massive fucking episode I can only call The Toys R Us Episode. I made myself a new fursona, who was briefly my primary and only fursona, who was a rainbow giraffe. Then I cried EVERY DAY that Geoffrey Giraffe was not my dad, and when I wasn't crying about that, I was crying about how I wasn't Geoffrey. Terrible.

stinger | uploaded by zhunt

Sprite did a lot of stressful commercials, actually.

Sprite Sun Fizz - 90's Commercial | uploaded by shodan2k

This one's a classic of unnecessarily stressful commercials.

Golden Grahams Cereal Commercial (1976) | uploaded by Bionic Disco

Golden Grahams used to be a daily staple for me, and I still think this commercial is way too into it.

1982 7 11 7 Eleven Big Gulp TV Commercial 7/11 | uploaded by ewjxn

The problem is the cup. It's too small.

Popples commercial (1986) | uploaded by wiifermadness

Cindy's is the place to be! | uploaded by FatKid FatBike

SUPER LOUD. I can never find this one when I want it. I thought for a while the alligator was this place's mascot but it's just a completely random animated critter. The spaghetti confused the hell out of me, but that's what fast food is like in the Philippines. Fascinating stuff!

Ovaltine ad - Australia 1983 (Ovalteenies) | uploaded by CheeseCafe

READY TO CRUNCH.

Mr. Matey Bubblebath - Australia 1988 | uploaded by CheeseCafe

Am I just easily scared, or are there a lot of stressful commercials in the world?

Jell-O Pudding Talking Lunch Box Commercial 1992 | uploaded by Betamax King

Target Commercial (1995) | uploaded by augustv123

Some nice music in this one, if you're not scared of your furniture crawling around.

COMMERCIAL: Kirby Tilt 'n Tumble | uploaded by ChannelKirby

Why are they hurting Kirby?

1990 "Bonkers!" Board Game commercial | uploaded by lugnutsoldcrap

0:12 for I THINK HE'S GONNA CRACK.

First Interstate Bank: Tom Thumb | uploaded by Jan Curran

0:20 for YEAH.

Classic Nick Commercial Promo (Early 90's) - Tiny Toons Plush Toys | uploaded by stuffilikesite

I once referenced this commercial to my wife thinking that it was a totally universal thing everyone knew. OH NO.

Ortega Taco Shells 1978 Commercial | uploaded by MemoryMuseum

1980s Fun Fruits Commercial! | uploaded by Dinosaur Dracula

1980s Hi-C Candy Apple Cooler Commercial! | uploaded by Dinosaur Dracula

NES Game Genie Commercial - 1990 | uploaded by Dinosaur Dracula

Berry Blue Kool-Aid Commercial (1988) | uploaded by Dino Drac's Retro Commercials!

NEW BERRY BLUE!

McDonald's Garfield Mugs Commercial (1987) | uploaded by Dino Drac's Retro Commercials!

I had one of these! I don't know why, since these are from before I was born? Yes, these are the lead paint mugs.

Hidden Valley Pizza Ranch Salad Dressing Commercial (1994) | uploaded by OldishTVStuff

Nearly inaudible.

Kraft Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing 1977 Commercial | uploaded by MemoryMuseum

Wishbone salad dressing commercial | uploaded by ClassicAds

ShowBiz Pizza Place Classic Television Advertisements | uploaded by sptweb

Sometimes when I'm streaming movies for my friends I put on my Commercials playlist. I always skip this one because it's 6 minutes long.

McVitie's Brontos - Dinosaur (1989, UK) | uploaded by Mrs Mcl

Everyone I show this to fucking hates this one.

Wish-Bone Italian Dressing Commercial (1995) | uploaded by mycommercials

Colorful taste.